There are lots of different fears that can hold us back; fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of intimacy, fear of embarrassment, fear of getting hurt, fear of rejection, fear of pain etc.
I have given a lot of thought to these things over years of sessions and i reckon they all come back to TWO major fear types.
1. Fear of the UNKNOWN
2. Fear of JUDGEMENT (from self or others)
The first fear, fear of the unknown, is a control issue. Fear of not knowing what will happen next or risking something with no guarantee can be scary for people. Resigning from a job with no future job lined up. Leaving a relationship and not knowing how you may support yourself as a single person (financially or emotionally). Going for a new career that’s in your heart but not knowing whether it will work out. Being able to surrender is the opposite of fear of the unknown or control. It simply asks that we let go of any controlled idea of what needs to happen and just lets the path unfold without force or pressure. It requires having a bit of faith in your path and Spirit. It asks you to let the old go so the new can come in. It’s truly beautiful to witness and experience.
If your fears mainly come from here, try doing some exercises that relinquish control and start showing you it is safe to take risks. Start small and work your way up! Go do those surfing lessons you promised. Cut your hair short and dye it red! Take salsa classes. Ask a friend or partner to plan your weekend without you knowing what it is. Try out new clothes. Don’t make a TO DO list for a month. Leave that abusive relationship (or start making plans). Speak up at work and say NO to your boss if that is what serves you. Tell your Mum or Dad what you really think. Leave your crappy job. Go travelling solo. Launch the business of your dreams.
The second fear, fear of judgement, is more to do with lack of self love or worth. It means that we get held back out of fear that part of us is not good enough or is defective. We hold ourselves back from doing the things we want because we fear others will criticise us or reject us or isolate us. We fear that deep down we don’t deserve something or don’t have the skill or right to have it. When we feel truly valued inside and loved for who we are, we are free to go for our dreams. We back ourselves and don’t expect to be hurt. We learn that judgement is a shadow within others and they only judge us if they also have that issue lurking within. Otherwise they wouldn’t be bothered by it. So if you find yourself judging or critiquing others or feeling fearful of being judged, examine where in your life are you lacking self love or worth?
Working with judgement. Live by this quote “it is none of your business what others think about you”. Start reflecting or meditating on where you feel the most judged in your life? Career? Relationships? Health? Money? What could you do to show yourself love or value in this area. Think about where you criticise others the most – that will be where your fears lie for you. If you are hard on people around their financial wealth, then you have an issue (or poor relationship) with money. If you look down upon someone for being overweight, then you too must have body image issues deep down (whether you are deemed healthy or not). Start by doing some self love exercises. Give yourself a treat once a week – massage, breakfast out, long lunch break, flowers, new pair of shoes, night off cooking etc.
When we overcome our FEARS, magic happens. Go for it and see what you can do in 90 days!